I spotted this ridiculously awesome Ford Bronco Nite the other day on Hasidic Jewish-dominated Wythe Avenue in south Williamsburg, just chillin’ in front of the Dor Yeshorim Committee For Prevention Of Jewish Genetic Diseases. So many questions here. What the hell is a Bronco Nite? That fat purple to blue pinstripe and edgy ’90s font somehow promises even more fun on a truck that has adventure in its genes. How is it so clean? It looks like it just pulled off the lot with the windows down blaring “Achy Breaky Heart”. Look at that folded in mirror. Props to the owner; that’s a sure sign of some one who knows a thing or two about Brooklyn street parking.
According to fordf150.net: “The XLT Lariat ‘nite’ truck is available in the regular cab or supercab 4×2 or 4×4 with the 302 as standard. Its dressed out in raven black with special bodyside tape stripes and forged aluminum deep-dish wheels…The nite model interior includes a choice of colors-dark charcoal, scarlet red or cyrstal blue, a sliding rear window, “nite” nomenclature on the instrument panel and special “nite’ floor mats.”
OK, it’s a very rare, unbelievably clean, inarguably cool 21-year-old special edition Ford truck. But, I’m still confused. What precisely is a “Jewish genetic disease”? And what does this Dor Yeshorim committee do to prevent them?
I got my answer over at the Williamsburg Hand Wash and Detail Center, where where you can get a proper (read: not scratchfest) wash in a pinch when it’s just too damn cold to do it yourself. I met a Hasidic guy there who was getting his Infiniti QX56 detailed. That’s a rare ride for a Hasid. Almost all their vehicles are minivans. Identically gray, banged-up Honda Odysseys. Or perhaps a beige Toyota Sienna. Anyway. I learned that in a nutshell, all young Hasidic Jews have to go to that office and get a genetic test and a number. Your number goes on a spreadsheet there. Before a boy can go out with a girl on a date, they must check with the committee and see if they are genetically distant enough to have healthy children. If they are too close, and there’s a high risk of birth defects, they simply don’t date.
Jeez. And I thought it was awkward to ask a girl for just her phone number.
So there you have it. A truck that would get so many ladies you could make your very own “Baby Got Back” video in 1992, parked in front of the Committee On Who You Definitely Shouldn’t Fuck. Even if some Hasids can’t choose their own path when it comes to their love life, there’s always the option to escape into the Nite. It’s got adventure in its DNA.